Comments for Ajourneywelltaken's Weblog

Comment on Kubler-Ross Model Stage of Grief by Elaine williams

Elaine williams — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 15:09:32 +0000

Hi Roads: Thanks for stopping by. Reaching acceptance, for me, was the goal, even though I didn’t know it when I first began the grief journey. Once you hit that, it feels like your life can begin to inch forward. Not that it’s all forward either, there’s always the two steps back. Confusing at times, individual and often times unexpected twists and turns. elaine

Comment on Kubler-Ross Model Stage of Grief by Roads

Roads — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:22:02 +0000

I agree with you wholeheartedly, Elaine. The Kubler-Ross model has reached the stage where it has ceased to be a model, and is now too often taken as established fact. Almost to the point that we almost begin looking for those phases - maybe I’ll start to get belligerent, right about now…

But to be serious, in particular, I think there’s a whole lot of work to be done between depression and acceptance. Written large, those two words could span the whole bereavement process on their own, and the others are more or less temporary sideshows, right at the outset. What this means is that the model really doesn’t cut it, exactly where it matters.

Reaching acceptance is the objective, but what exactly do you go through to get there? ‘Depression’ is such a glib answer, which really doesn’t do justice to the reality.

Maybe we need to look for a few more stages to describe all the long hard yards of the first two years of bereavement. Wildly oscillating of whim and unstable of mind might be just one characterisation, but I’m sure you could think of many more.

Comment on Children in Grief by ajourneywelltaken

ajourneywelltaken — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 11:57:16 +0000

Hi Jan: Thank you for posting. Please feel free to send me your specific article URL’s, I’d love to take a look and perhaps blog about them for you. elaine

Comment on Mom Minus Dad Resource Book by ajourneywelltaken

ajourneywelltaken — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 11:55:46 +0000

Hi Jan: Thanks for stopping in. I’d be interested in having you share your articles URL. Elaine

Comment on Mom Minus Dad Resource Book by Self Improvement Advice

Self Improvement Advice — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 10:32:03 +0000

Thank you for sharing this. I might need this in future time. You know what I also write about grief loss and timely I came across your site which I think is a great resource.

-Jan

Comment on Children in Grief by Self Improvement Advice

Self Improvement Advice — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 10:28:03 +0000

That’s a poignant story you got there. The good thing about you is you still remained strong in spite of the unlucky experience you and your family encounter. We all grieve and the best way to deal with it is through prayers. God has never closed His ears for our prayers.

-Jan

Comment on Stress as a Widow’s Companion by ajourneywelltaken

ajourneywelltaken — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 02:20:41 +0000

Beautifully said.

Comment on Stress as a Widow’s Companion by grumpajoesplace

grumpajoesplace — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 18:18:55 +0000

Dear Mkinter76;
Don’t rush things, but don’t give up living either. Try to figure out what you will do with yourself in the next hour. Don’t even look a full day ahead. I often told people that all I’m tryinng to do is to survive the next hour. I’d worry about the next hour later.
I couldn’t live with myself nor by myself. When I finally allowed myself to come home, I turned on the TV but kept the channels rolling. Nothing could peak my interest. I decided I needed routine to get through the days. So I invented a routine, and looked forward to each step in the routine. When I was alone, the phone became my friend. I’d step through the phone list until I found someone who I hadn’t talked to in awhile. Many of the people I called were high school and college friends. Sometimes the conversations were very short, sometimes they were long.
I finally began going to the bereavement group again. Yes, it was the same group that I thought was so terrible to have grief after five years. Our group met every month. I went for six months before I could speak without crying. I listened, and heard that the feelings I had were very normal. The one thing that will cure the hurt is time. The trick is to fill the time with activities that are meaningful to you.
I also speak to Barbara every day. I tell her how much I miss her and love her. I tell her how proud she would be of the grandchildren she never met. I tell her all about their exploits. She never answers.
At the group, I heard grievers tell about seeing their loved ones in dreams. I didn’t see Barb in a dream until a year transpired. When I saw her, I actually remember exclaiming to myself, “My God that is Barb.” I record all of her appearances in my “Warm and Fuzzy Moments,” list. I log the date, the place, the circumstances, what she was doing. Lately, I’ve been asking her to come to me agaain. It’s been too long since she appeared to me.
Sound crazy? It’s all normal, it’s all painful, there is nothing to do but ride it out the best you can.
Feeling your pain,
Grumpa Joe

Comment on Stress as a Widow’s Companion by ajourneywelltaken

ajourneywelltaken — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 00:26:55 +0000

Dear mkintner76:
Those feelings are normal, whatever normal is. Grief is up and down, as you are finding out. Please, please get support from family, friends, a counselor….anyone you feel comfortable with. I also just wanted to get it over with. But that is shortchanging yourself and it just doesn’t work that way. You never forget, and you never should, but eventually, trust me, your life will become a joy again. elaine

Comment on Stress as a Widow’s Companion by mkintner76

mkintner76 — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 22:37:46 +0000

This is incredibly informative. I am 3 weeks out, and I am currently experiencing every fear and every emotion known to man. Every day, there is something new to learn and experience. Everyday, I struggle with the reality that has changed my life forever.

Your advice to move slowly through the stages is probably a good one. I want to get this overwith. I want to move on and STOP feeling like I died along with him, although I am the ghost, and he is the angel.

I know I will still love him 10 years from now. A love that is instantly halted cannot run it’s course. It doesn’t have an end.

I just hope I don’t want to die every day, by then. Because I certainly do, now.