Living Fully

Sometimes there are other losses, such as divorce, that can mirror the pain and loss of a loved one through death. That’s not to say it’s the same, but it is filled with pain, all the same. Many of the same feelings, fears and situations arise out of both situations. Loss is a universal emptiness, and yes, we do learn to move on, if we keep ourselves open to life and living, as hard as it is at times.

Being four years into this process I have pretty much reinvented myself. Many times it was incredibly hard walking this road, but I write about my loss experience for others to see you’re not alone, and we can triumph and go on to a wonderful life, even after our loss.

You create new friendships, interests and sometimes it feels like a metamorphis taking place. At times I resisted change, afterall, change can be scary, but ultimately, I made myself step forward and experience what came to me. Good and bad.

I’ve come to learn that what shows up is there for a reason, so I can’t hide my head in the sand and ignore them. I take what I can from the experience and leave the rest. It’s called living. And I choose to live fully.

Marketing and Getting Your Name Out on the ‘Net

First let me state I am a rank amateur on internet marketing. However, I am having a measure of success in this marketing venture to get information out about my soon to be released book.

 

I’ve been busy this week, literally glued to the computer (which this time of year, when it starts to get warm and beautiful out, drives me crazy) working on marketing, placing articles and getting my name and information out there.

 

Besides my several blogs, I have written 34 articles since January on grief, loss and renewal. This is interesting to me since after the loss of my husband, I could not write anything for almost three years. Now, I’m writing like crazy, in a good way, and loving it. (I’ve always been a writer and to not be able to write was very depressing, to say the least.) This was part of my grief process.

 

I’ve been placing the articles (approximately 650-1200 words each) on the better known free article sites. (I also blog every day). I have every one of these articles placed on the top 5 sites, and last night I worked about 5 hours placing articles on 80 other sites. You have to wonder, is it worth it? That answer, for me, is definitely. My articles have been picked up by everyone and anyone who is looking for info on grief, loss and bereavement. How do I know this? I have set up through my google alerts account, notice that come into my email inbox. My alerts are keywords related to what I write about. ie., grief, loss, widows, etc. I also have keywords set up in relation to my article titles. So, anytime an article is used and appears somewhere, I can find out exactly where it is. They have turned up in amazing places — such as online radio pages, ezines, other article sites, blogs, webpages, online magazines, etc., etc. (People and places I don’t even know post my articles) Bottom line — they have to keep my contact info in place in the article, and it all links back to my website. Simple.

 

My book A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss is coming out in June and I feel it’s crucial to do what I can right now, before that event, to optimize my presence on the web. If anyone is interested in what I have done to get my information out there, I am also willing to pay it forward and share everything I’m doing. You can check out my blogs and websites to see what I’m playing around with. http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com, http://www.onwingspress.com, http://www.elainewilliams.org, http://www.ajourneywelltaken.blogspot.com. I also have blogs on wordpress, authorsden, technorati, multipy, 22×2com/blogs, isnare.com, qassia, selfgrowth.com. I started this entire process the end of December, beginning of January, and I’ve done it piece by piece since then, building upon my efforts. I created my own youtube video, my websites, articles and check out other people’s grief, loss related blogs. Again, I find alot of these sources using google alerts. I also play around with google adwords to some degree. I also have a networking site on facebook and myspace.

 

I have 25 book testimonials from people in the grief and loss arena, not only widows and widowers, but grief, hospice counselors and life coaches. I contacted these people by searching for grief related websites.

 

If you google my name, Elaine Williams, a wealth of info comes up. Keep in mind this is only since January that my presence has been created. You can also find my other writing names linked to Elaine Williams.

 

Is it time consuming? It can be. It depends how much you want to get accomplished in the time frame you set. When I began this, I had no idea where I was going with it all, but I feel I have come a long way since January, and still have a long way to go. There is so much out there and you can tap into whatever suits your interests. You’re only held back by your own fears of the unknown. So jump in there, challenge yourself and move ahead.

Living Life Fully

In the end all that really matters is who has loved and therefore been loved in return. Truly, faithfully, without reservation. elaine williams

Glass Class at Corning Glass Studio

I had a great time over the weekend, I went to Corning Glass Studio in Corning, NY and took a flameworking class. My intent was to see how much of a learning curve there is in creating glass art, and after 12 hours of instruction I am convinced I have barely (pun) scratched the surface of what you can do with a glass rod and a torch. My intent also is to begin a new business for myself, creating memorial glass for bereavement/grief gifts. Such beautiful art work, and glass creating is an art all by itself. So, a new venture to sink my teeth into, though it will probably be something left for next fall, during my slow time of year. I plan to take at least one more class before then, another flameworking class, but a bit more advanced. It’s almost an addiction, the thought of creating a new form of art. It’s something I’ve never really dabbled in before.

Jenslove.com

Here’s a nice site, relatively new and they’re always accepting new members. They have lots of good people, all kinds of cool gadgets for leaving comments, music, videos and interesting posts, all with an uplifting message. The site is http://www.jenslove.com and it’s dedicated to Jennifer Rigby Stam, who passed away at 24 years of age.

Is Grief Ever Good…the Aftermath

A thought. Have you ever considered grief good in any way, shape or form? For three and a half years you’re locked in combat with yourself, and the world around you as it changes. In time all things adapt, and somehow we open our eyes and learn something different, that you are indeed changed by your grief experience and you are therefore, different; newer, stronger, wiser and hopefully more loving and compassionate. Should we thank grief for allowing us to experience all that is different in our world? Have we in the grief process evolved into who we were meant to be? We got a push or a shove on this journey…has it turned out in any way more than you could ever have envisioned for yourself?

New State Quarter and Reflection

Today in the mail I received the latest State Quarter, Oklahoma. While he was ill my husband had ordered a 50 US Quarter Dollar Wall Frame and the quarters would arrive regularly when they were issued, in uncirculated condition, and he would place the new quarter in the appropriate slot in the wall frame.

The first time a quarter arrived after he had passed away, (I think it was Alabama) I recall looking at that quarter, wondering if I was supposed to make a payment or notify somebody.

When I called the company they assured me the Wall Frame had been paid in full, and I would keep receiving the quarters on schedule, until all 50 slots were filled. At the time and the six months before my husband’s passing, the quarters arrived, but I was so busy seeing to daily life as a caretaker, the quarters melted away somewhere. I never did find them. The company was kind enough to send me replacement quarters for the 4 I could not locate.

Now, just two months shy of four years of my husband’s passing, the quarter set is almost complete, and will be finished at the end of this year, 2008. There will be no more quarters arriving.

I’m sure when my husband first ordered this quarter set, he had no thoughts of not being here to see it finished. That’s like a lot of stuff in your life, you expect one thing, but something else happens. That’s just the way it is. So you adjust, in time, you move ahead, the best you can, and your life goes on.

Gifts Come in all Shapes and Sizes

For me one of the most beautiful gifts are my three boys, next, are my life experiences and where they’ve led me and will lead me in the future. Today is wonderful, with all its strife and joy, but all the tomorrows are a gift yet to be unwrapped….

Saturday Night Dancing

One of my decisions to take life by the horns and not sit still involves dance lessons I’ve been taking since January. Swing dance, jitterbug. I’ve always envied people who could dance and look good out on the dance floor, and since taking lessons myself, I’ve developed more confidence in myself as a dancing partner. I love to dance, and this past Saturday I attended a vintage dress swing dance party. I was one of the first to arrive and there ended up being about seventy people, men and women, in attendance. I had a great time and danced so much I developed a blister on my one heel. So, next step is to buy the proper swing dance shoes so this doesn’t happen again. I wore a beautiful dress that looked the vintage part, it was a deep midnight blue, overlaid with black lace, cap sleeves, handkerchief hem dress I bought to wear for New Year’s Eve, but I never went out for New Years, so I got to wear it for the first time on Saturday.

I received lots of compliments on it and while dressy, it fit well in with the dance theme. I danced with many of the guys I’ve been taking dance lessons with, but also with other men who were more advanced dancers, and it was great fun. I learned some new moves which was the best part, and found out I could cut a pretty good swathe on the dance floor. I had made up my mind before I went that I was going to have a good time, and that is exactly what happened.

Timeline on Grief

I recall a many moments after I lost my husband, thinking, What am I going to do with the rest of my life? I recall that bone deep numbness, that total disinterest in life. I didn’t care if I ate, didn’t care that it was a beautiful sunny day outside, all I could think about was my lack of interest in life and my missing the life I’d had, my husband and our three boys. Gradually, with time, you do begin to feel again, you begin to experience joy and life. I knew I had to keep it together, if only for my boys. So be assured, in your own way and your own time, you will heal and love life again. It isn’t a steady one, two three, but in small steps some days and bigger strides other days. Some days you go backward, but you just keep trying to move forward. I talked with my boys about their father, and we would laugh and reminisce about silly things that had happened in the past. That in itself became a healing process, not being afraid to talk and remember. It will all come in time.