Difference Between Love and Lust

The difference between love and lust: Love is when you want more than one moment of lust.

What if?

What if as a new widow or widower you began dating again after not dating for many years? What if you had high hopes of bringing love once again into your life? What if you met a scammer online but thought they were a real person, with feelings and hopes and dreams, just like you held deep in your heart? What if you held a secret hope they may be the one for you? What if you believed someone was telling you the truth, because you always told the truth? What if you just wanted to connect with another being so you could once again know you were desired by someone? What if your biggest fear was being alone the rest of your life?

What if you corresponded with this person for many months and they said all the right things and made you feel special? What if they promised to travel to come and see you? What if they couldn’t wait to meet you and sent you little gifts and trinkets as symbols of their caring for you?

What if you thought you fell in love with someone through their emails over the internet? What if they expressed joy at the thought of meeting you for the first time? What if you knew the dream had come true that this truly wonderful person had fallen in love with you also and couldn’t wait to meet you? What if this was you? Would you fall into love based on email correspondence? Would you hope that the hole in your heart was finally starting to be occupied by another? What if you felt this was your one and only chance at love? Would you pass it by?

What if you didn’t hear from them for a week and you become frantic, wondering if something happened to them? What if they finally email to say they were mugged, hurt and lying ill in an overseas hospital? What if you expressed doubt when they asked you for money to help them come home? What if you told them to go to the US consulate? What if they said never mind about the money, if you didn’t trust them, they just wanted to die anyway?

What if they emailed you sporadically because they were too ill to do otherwise? What if they said they were finally coming home, gave you their airplane itinerary and it all checked out? What if you went to the airport to meet them? What if you waited plane after plane and they never showed up? What if you went home crying in your car? What if you decided never to trust anyone again? What if you vowed life sucks and that’s it? What if you shut yourself down from all future opportunities out of fear and bitterness? What if you contacted the dating service where you met and they did nothing about this scammer?
What if you just gave up?
What if you used this as a life lesson and tried to warn others of similar scams?
What if you chalked it up to one more experience?
What if you learned it’s better to meet someone in person and get to know them before getting too involved?

What if sharing your experience kept someone else from being hurt? Would you still regret the experience?

Dating After Loss of a Spouse

Elaine Williams copyright 2008

When a relationship ends due to one partner dying, what is the correct time period to begin dating again? Grief is such a funny, unpredictable animal. Many people in years’ past think a year is a suitable time to wait before incorporating life changes, and yet for many of us, a year into our loss – we’re barely getting started on our grief journey. My experience has been that people and perhaps society as a whole, do not allow enough time or thought to the actual grief process. There is no quick fix or “getting over it” and moving on. We all move through grief in our own ways and means. There is nothing by formula that we can follow or hope to happen. Talking with others who have experienced a similar loss is definitely a plus.

Some days the road is more difficult than others days. At times, you feel enveloped in a mist of uncertainty. Even small decisions can sometimes stretch past your point of coping.

Personal decisions are just that, personal. What is suitable for anyone must be decided  individually. Sometimes you have to let go of preconceived notions of the correct way to act and grieve.

I began dating too early, about a year after my husband passed away. I was incredibly lonely and in a real oxymoron, I was determined to be happy again, at any cost to myself. So, I started dating through online sites and I kept attracting the wrong type of man. Takers, emotionally unavailable, surface daters, serial daters, men who mirrored my own uncertainty about my readiness to date again.

None of these connections turned out to be anything substantial. In a fog of grief, I yearned to find someone to love, and yet I knew these men were wrong for me. They were just a short ride on a ferry to nowhere special. It was brought home to me gradually, through my dating experiences, that I had to value myself more than what I was doing. I couldn’t settle with a partner just to have someone in my life. I deserved more. My dates deserved more than someone still traveling through grief.

In those early days, I was as unavailable as the men I dated. If I had realized this, perhaps I would have run fast in the opposite direction, but in two instances I hung on to a flagging relationship, hoping things would change. Of course they did not.

Gradually, I came to realize that I had to stop setting myself up for disappointment in relationships. How could I attract the right partner, unless I was equally ready for a commitment?

I made the decision to bring my standards up to a new level and part of this process involved not dating for over a year. Only then did I start meeting the quality of man that my higher consciousness demanded. I was no longer wasting my time, or theirs, in surface dating, where both of us knows after one date there is no chemistry or real interest.

We all deserve better for ourselves than settling in a relationship just to alleviate the loneliness. It is difficult being alone when you are used to so much more, but I have chosen to remain so until the right partner comes along. For me, there is no other choice. http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com