Portion of Proceeds go to Make a Wish and Hospicewit in S. Africa

Portion of Proceeds from book sales go to Make a Wish Foundation . Also HospiceWit in South Africa to buy board games, Magical AIDS Journey and Magical Maze Journey, to help children with AIDS and children grieving the loss of a loved one, respectively.

“Complicated Grief” Study by UCLA Scientists

A new study by UCLA scientists suggests that long term or “complicated” grief may trigger neurons in the reward center of the brain.
http://www.virtualmedicalcentre.com/news.asp?artid=11842

We all experience grief in some measure throughout life. We live through the painful adjustment of the loss of a loved one — the emotional and psychological lows. But for those suffering complicated grief, the normal grief reaction remains painful and debilitating, sometimes leading to suicidal thoughts or an inability to resume life, even many years later.

If you look at the MayoClinic site
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/complicated-grief/DS01023/DSECTION=symptoms/
you will see symptoms that apply to the grief process. I recognize my own grief journey in these symptoms.

What moves the grief into “complicated grief” is the extended period of time that these emotions continue to be apparent in the grieving individual. While I understand the grief process personally, I disagree with this article where it says “normal grief symptoms gradually start to fade within six months or so”. From my own experience, I was just beginning to lose the numbness at six months and therefore becoming alive to my grief at six months. Does that mean I’ve suffered from complicated grief? I don’t believe so.

What I do believe is the grieving process is very individual. I also believe that if grief continues and there is no quality of life resumed, then there is the possibility of complicated grief and professional help should be sought.

Grief, One More Journey in Life

In my habit of reading blogs of other’s who have suffered the loss of a loved one, I am reminded again and again of those early, deep and entrenching emotions. In today’s society where many want to just “get through it” or get it over with quickly, no matter what IT is, grief is just a process that takes its own time. It has its own agenda, based on you, the individual. No amount of prodding, sweet talking or ranting will make it move any faster through your life. The good news is, it does move on and we become a different person, and we can control the process, to some degree. We can seek help, support, and remain open to life. Through my four years of “widow” experience, I can attest to the fact that life does take on a new normal, as long as we don’t shut down and close in upon ourselves.

I am sorry for the loss anyone suffers in life. It’s not fair, we rant and cry, and I recall like it was yesterday the lost, desperate feelings. For a time I buried myself in my grief, my loss, and in the end I found that talking about it to a professional really helped me sort through my feelings, fears and emotions. I wasn’t going crazy, even though at times it hurt so bad I didn’t know which way to turn. I also started a journal, and if I felt desperately unhappy, I would write in my journal. So cry, be angry or just stare out the window if that’s what you need to do today, but don’t be stuck in it day after day. I learned in the beginning to get through each day as best I could, with no expectations of anything. It’s just the way grief is. Take your time to naviagate this new life, and you may find, as I have, that keeping your arms and heart wide open to life, will bring you unexpected joys and experiences. Trust me, there is life after loss, it just takes a bit of traveling to get there.

Mom Minus Dad Resource Book

“In her groundbreaking book, Jamieson Haverkampf shares how she and her sister, in their early 30’s, found success and managed struggles during their journey after their father’s death. This jam-packed resource guide is filled with more than 500 invaluable Web sites, companies, government resources, U.S. laws, books, and nonprofit organizations to assist adult children who seek support while they aid a newly widowed parent.” From http://www.momminusdad.com:80/

US News and World Report Interview now online

Kimberly Palmer, Senior Financial Editor of US News and World Report, interviewed me regarding the financial aspects of being a widow. The article is here.

http://www.usnews.com/articles/business/retirement/2008/06/12/how-to-financially-cope-with-being-suddenly-single.html/

Elaine Williams’ Review of “Beyond Belief” Documentary

“Beyond Belief,” is an award-winning and inspirational documentary film by Beth Murphy, about two 9/11 widows who cope with their grief by forming a cross-cultural foundation to raise money for widows in Afghanistan.

The film was featured on “The Oprah Winfrey Show” last year and is now being released on DVD by Alive Mind at http://alivemindwoman.com/category/films/beyond-belief/

With your help, $3 from each sale of this DVD will go to the organization formed by the two widows, Beyond the 11th at http://alivemindwoman.com/beyond-belief-featured-organization-beyond-the-11th/

REVIEW by Elaine Williams, A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss
http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com/

“In tragedy, often times it is the strongest who step forward and dare to make a difference.

As 9/11 widows Patti and Susan work through their own grief and loss, they move outside of themselves to highlight the extreme poverty of Afghanistan widows. Their personal journeys are enhanced by their efforts to empower these same women, strangers, half a world away.

This emotionally charged film draws you in from the first moment – it is a beautiful testimonial to the strength and courage of the human spirit.”

Review for Widows of A Journey Well Taken at The Light Beyond

The Light Beyond Website Mission: “Helping you through grief and bereavement, one step at a time…”

Lucie Storrs of The Light Beyond has graciously posted a review of A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss. http://thelightbeyond.typepad.com/blog/

A New Life, Whether You Want it or Not

Elaine Williams ©2008

 

When you become a widow your life changes and there is no guarantee of sanity in the transition. Some days are topsy-turvy; other days have a numbing calm. You wonder if life will ever be joyful again. You’re not crazy, you’re grieving.

 

Joy has a way of creeping up on you when you least expect it, yes, even in the midst of loss. I discovered it’s a waste of energy to feel guilt over a moment of joy while in the pain of loss. I used to tell myself I had to stop being so serious and cut myself some slack. I refused to be a victim in life and I vowed not to become bitter over my husband’s loss.

Sure, it was unfair that my kids lost their dad at 11, 18, and 19, but inside each of us are life tools, and we do the best with what we have learned in life.

 

So how do you craft your new life as a widow? Time and patience are the best advice I could give. I had never expected my husband would die, even though he was diagnosed with end stage esophagus cancer. I was so determined he would get well, he would beat it, that losing him never was an option until the last three weeks. So I wasn’t prepared for his death, but who ever is? Stuff like this didn’t happen to me. I’d always considered myself an upbeat, lucky person. I still consider myself in that category, which is why I know from my own experience you can create a new life and be happy and feel joy once more.

 

I recall many days up until about two and a half years into my loss where I felt weighted down by uncertainty and indecision. I wanted nothing more than to just hide away in some safe, dark place where no one else could find me. Many days I felt a complete lack of enthusiasm for life. I worked because that occupied my mind, and in deepest grief, I often wondered if I’d ever experience true joy again. I felt off kilter, as if an essential life force had been pulled from me. I had a big hole.

 

For months I hung in a kind of limbo. I asked myself what was it that I wanted to do with my life? Was this empty feeling all there was? I knew I had to contribute something more – that there was a purpose for me. I wanted full knowledge of what my the next step was in my life.

 

As a writer I attempted to pick up my writing, but there was no passion there. I have always been a writer and to think that that well had dried up, felt devastating.

 

Slowly, I began to find a new me, one that I had never fully tapped into. I wondered had experiencing loss uncovered the stronger, more independent me? I have learned to live fully on my own, taking care of my children but also taking care of myself.

 

When I made myself step outside my comfort zone, I often found a new world waiting for me. I discovered that living a full life is all within my own control.

 

Video Interview Live by Relentless Aaron

Grief is a Process That Can’t be Rushed

Sometimes you just want to rush through the grief process. There’s confusion, pain, fear and a pulling inside, wanting to hide. Just take it slow and let life unfold gently, doing the best you can without making yourself do anything new until you’re ready.