Ajourneywelltaken’s Weblog

January 31, 2008

Dating After Loss of a Spouse

Filed under: dating after loss — by ajourneywelltaken @ 10:15 pm
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Elaine Williams copyright 2008

When a relationship ends due to one partner dying, what is the correct time period to begin dating again? Grief is such a funny, unpredictable animal. Many people in years’ past think a year is a suitable time to wait before incorporating life changes, and yet for many of us, a year into our loss – we’re barely getting started on our grief journey. My experience has been that people and perhaps society as a whole, do not allow enough time or thought to the actual grief process. There is no quick fix or “getting over it” and moving on. We all move through grief in our own ways and means. There is nothing by formula that we can follow or hope to happen. Talking with others who have experienced a similar loss is definitely a plus.

Some days the road is more difficult than others days. At times, you feel enveloped in a mist of uncertainty. Even small decisions can sometimes stretch past your point of coping.

Personal decisions are just that, personal. What is suitable for anyone must be decided  individually. Sometimes you have to let go of preconceived notions of the correct way to act and grieve.

I began dating too early, about a year after my husband passed away. I was incredibly lonely and in a real oxymoron, I was determined to be happy again, at any cost to myself. So, I started dating through online sites and I kept attracting the wrong type of man. Takers, emotionally unavailable, surface daters, serial daters, men who mirrored my own uncertainty about my readiness to date again.

None of these connections turned out to be anything substantial. In a fog of grief, I yearned to find someone to love, and yet I knew these men were wrong for me. They were just a short ride on a ferry to nowhere special. It was brought home to me gradually, through my dating experiences, that I had to value myself more than what I was doing. I couldn’t settle with a partner just to have someone in my life. I deserved more. My dates deserved more than someone still traveling through grief.

In those early days, I was as unavailable as the men I dated. If I had realized this, perhaps I would have run fast in the opposite direction, but in two instances I hung on to a flagging relationship, hoping things would change. Of course they did not.

Gradually, I came to realize that I had to stop setting myself up for disappointment in relationships. How could I attract the right partner, unless I was equally ready for a commitment?

I made the decision to bring my standards up to a new level and part of this process involved not dating for over a year. Only then did I start meeting the quality of man that my higher consciousness demanded. I was no longer wasting my time, or theirs, in surface dating, where both of us knows after one date there is no chemistry or real interest.

We all deserve better for ourselves than settling in a relationship just to alleviate the loneliness. It is difficult being alone when you are used to so much more, but I have chosen to remain so until the right partner comes along. For me, there is no other choice. http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com
 

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50 Comments »

  1. no matter how hard it may seem for you to pick up the pieces, you can always take on a new journey towards self-recovery. depending on how you look at it, having loss your spouse can teach you to start anew… to handle grief, cope and beat the odds no matter painful it is.

    -Joanne

    Comment by Dating — March 4, 2008 @ 4:58 am |Reply

  2. Hi Joanne: Thank you for stopping by and commenting. Yes, you’re absolutely right..and that is what my last four years, and therefore “A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss” is all about, finding myself once more, as many widows do, and creating a new life based on the person I have become and was meant to be. elaine

    Comment by ajourneywelltaken — March 4, 2008 @ 8:09 pm |Reply

  3. Your welcome Elaine! =) Your site is truly uplifting. Keep it up and continue inspiring people esp to widows!

    Comment by Dating — March 14, 2008 @ 7:21 am |Reply

  4. I don’t think I’ll ever date anyone. Nobody could cast a shadow on the perfection my lovely wife had.

    Jeff

    Comment by masteroftheuniverse — March 19, 2008 @ 12:49 am |Reply

  5. Hi Jeff: Thanks for stopping by. We all deal with this thing called grief and living in the way that is best for each of us. I wish you luck. May you be well. elaine

    Comment by ajourneywelltaken — March 19, 2008 @ 12:56 am |Reply

  6. Dating seems like such a big word after being married for twenty odd years. Moving on may not be moving on at all for some folks. I myself will not move on to married or any relationship after Bill (my husband) passes. God forbid! I like to think we were together for more purpose than physical contact. Nevertheless each person is different and only time tells as time is different for each person. Nice post I enjoyed reading it.

    Comment by Cindy — April 27, 2008 @ 9:10 pm |Reply

  7. Hi Cindy: I agree, dating seems kind of an inappropriate word to attach to what happens at this time in mid life,(me at 50).I think in the big picture there is more to dating, and being with someone than the physical aspect. To me it’s that sharing, the communication, just having someone there that you know cares about you. Thanks for stopping by.

    Comment by ajourneywelltaken — April 27, 2008 @ 9:14 pm |Reply

  8. This is such a valubale post, as are all the comments. Thank you all!

    There are so many layers to this and so much of it is about what we think we know about ourselves, what we think we know about our feelings, what we think we know about our future, what we think dating is.

    So many of our thoughts are just – thoughts. We, our feelings, our world are so much more complex, so much richer in color. It’s never something we can predict or put in a box, but we can try to flow with it.

    I’d like to write much more about all this. Will do so in the future, if not here then at my Creating Relationships blog.

    Thanks again

    Halina

    Comment by Halina Goldstein — May 8, 2008 @ 5:48 am |Reply

  9. Halina: Thank you for stopping. You are so right, there are layers upon layers in all areas of our life. Nicely put! elaine

    Comment by ajourneywelltaken — May 8, 2008 @ 1:35 pm |Reply

  10. But then, life must go on..
    Time does heal all wounds.

    Comment by Dating Tips Guy — August 21, 2008 @ 3:13 pm |Reply

  11. Thanks for stopping by. At least we resume life and there develops a new kind of normal, but I know we never forget. You can’t forget or be expected to forget someone who was part of your life in such an integral way.

    Comment by ajourneywelltaken — August 21, 2008 @ 4:53 pm |Reply

  12. [...] Dating After Loss of a Spouse: Read Elaine Williams’ blog entry about grieving for a spouse and understanding when you’re ready to move on. [...]

    Pingback by Love in Your Later Years: 100 Sex and Dating Tips for Seniors | Senior Communities Blog — December 1, 2008 @ 8:03 pm |Reply

  13. Thanks for sharing your story, I have copied your post into my forum of my dating site, as we have a few people who lost partners and are not sure if they are ready to start again yet.

    Not something anyone can really write about unless they have lived through it. I am sorry for your loss but glad to hear you were able to move on.

    Comment by Rural Dating — January 8, 2009 @ 12:19 am |Reply

  14. Thank you for stopping by, and thanks for placing my article on your site. elaine

    Comment by ajourneywelltaken — January 8, 2009 @ 1:05 am |Reply

  15. Having just lost my wife of 25 years this past October my challenge is dealing with the combination of overwhelming grief and deep loneliness. While I am fully embracing my grief. I am struggling with loneliness. I am certainly not interested in dating/relationships but would welcome ideas as to how I can combat loneliness.

    Comment by Neil — January 18, 2009 @ 2:14 am |Reply

  16. Hi Neil: I am sorry for your loss. I do understand very well that deep well of lonely emptiness. Having been married 20 years, together 23 years, I felt lost and floundering when my husband passed away.

    What I can tell you is what I did. If friends invited me out for dinner or over to their house, I would go for brief periods, whatever I felt comfortable with. I had always been interested in dancing, but never took lessons. One day I decided to try it and paid for one course of lessons, once a week for a month. I had fun, indulged in something relatively inexpensive that was of interest to me, and a year later I am still dancing.

    Many times there’s things to do around you, if we just take a look. It might be something as simple as coffee with a friend. Taking a class at the local college.Joining a hiking or kayaking group, if that’s what you enjoy.

    I also enjoy photography and took a digital camera class. Grief sometimes makes you feel like you don’t want to leave the house, don’t want to even talk to people at times. It’s difficult for even loved ones who have not experienced this loss, to understand what you are going through. But there is a way to gradually establish a new “normal” without feeling guilty or shutting yourself away.

    Take it very slow, and treat yourself to something you enjoy, even if it’s only once in a while. I would find one thing that interests you and you think you might like to do, even on a short term basis. It’s okay to be alone, but do try to get out from time to time and interact with others. There’s nothing wrong with feeling joy for a few hours, though I know sometimes you wonder how could you ever feel joy again.

    Don’t force yourself to be social if you don’t feel like it, but do know there will be days when you want to interact with others. It is your call, and I wish you the very best. Elaine

    Comment by ajourneywelltaken — January 19, 2009 @ 2:24 am |Reply

  17. i think that there is a lot of pressure from society in general to find a mate, and for the most part we are influenced by it. but i also think living without a partner is perfectly natural. especially in the latter years of life when we are set in our ways and are less likely to want to adapt to the expectations of another. i have not dated for years, and i enjoy the solitary life now.

    Comment by Dating Books For Men — May 14, 2009 @ 7:36 pm |Reply

  18. Thanks for stopping by. This may be true about the pressure, but it ends up being an individual choice. Some prefer to remain single, while others would like a significant other in their lives, no matter what shape or form that relatinship takes and no matter what age they are. elaine

    Comment by ajourneywelltaken — May 14, 2009 @ 7:40 pm |Reply

  19. hi guys ,i lost my wife and child on the same day,at first i could not cope,thank god i have realised my loss,i have to move on step by step its a process.i know shes out there looking out for me to be happy,and eventually find someone to be with,i know i cant get someone to fill her shoes ,but at least someone to make me happy.imagine how she would feel me being lonely and sad .the sooner u start mixing with people just to keep yourself occupied the better,serious relationships have to be worked on over time,so take your time a journey of a thousand miles starts with one step .thanks for a good topic

    Comment by elvy — June 24, 2009 @ 8:12 am |Reply

  20. Hi Elvy: I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for stopping by. You have the right idea. Take your time, you can find happiness and fulfillment once more, and I wish you the best. elaine

    Comment by ajourneywelltaken — June 24, 2009 @ 5:00 pm |Reply

  21. Hi, I’m sorry for your loss.
    Your story is a reminder of a very deep truth, and that is we have to find a certain kind of inner peace before we can turn ourselves outwards and commit mistakes that are a result of the turmoil within.

    Comment by karen hogan — November 25, 2009 @ 8:00 pm |Reply

  22. Thank you Elaine for your encouragement and uplifting story. When I read your story online I went out and purchased “A Journey Well taken”. I to lost my husband at the age of 45 years old, he passed away March 2009. It has not been a year yet but I find it very comforting to read other stories such as yours and find that I’m only human in dealing what I’m dealing with. I do have 3 daughters and I found myself relating to you in so many ways and levels. I just want to say thank you again and I’m glad that you are doing what you are doing.

    Comment by Nancy — January 5, 2010 @ 7:18 pm |Reply

    • Hi Nancy: I’m sorry for your loss. Thank you for taking the time to stop by and read my blog. I’m glad you’ve found some commonality in reading the book. We’re all doing the best we can. Elaine

      Comment by ajourneywelltaken — January 5, 2010 @ 8:02 pm |Reply

  23. Having lost my husband on March 28,2009 I’m still devastated. He died at home. It was our 17th anniversary. He was not sick. When I discovered him dead(he died at home) my 10yr old daughter was with me. She woke up because I was a mess. I still miss him so very much. I’m 50yrs old and feel I can continue on. My daughter needs me. Less than 2months after the death of my husband my dear mother died in her sleep. On a Saturday, just as my husband. Thanksgiving was hard. So was Christmas. But I put on a smile because my daughter needs me. We are getting through this. I went through my mothers things first. When I went through my husbands things I was a mess. I have not had any counseling. I have strong beliefs in God. It has sustained my this far. I’m lonely for companionship,but I don’t trust many men. I had a good husband. Now I’m learning to do things by myself. I’m doing all I can to get through this. When is a good time for a person grieving to get sociable with the opposite sex? Especially when you have a child. Grieving is so painful.

    Comment by Bridget — January 18, 2010 @ 1:58 am |Reply

    • HI Bridget, I am so sorry for your loss, and the loss your daughter has suffered. For myself I found it helpful to talk with friends and loved ones, and later on I sought out some counseling just to talk to someone who was impartial, a psychologist. I wish I had gone to see her earlier than I did, I think it may have helped. I was so focused on being strong I stuffed alot of the emotion down, burying them so my boys could know they could depend on me and that I was always strong for them. As far as getting sociable or dating, that is your own decision on how you feel. One thing I would advise is just to go into any social activities with the idea of being friends first. In the early stages it’s incredibly difficult adjusting to being on your own, and I recall that deep well of loneliness. I made a lot of dating mistakes due in part to my loneliness and just wanting someone in my life again, someone who cared about me and what I felt. Just take your time and if something doesn’t feel right, don’t rush into it. You have all the time in the world and need to think of you and your child first. I wish you the best. Elaine

      Comment by ajourneywelltaken — January 18, 2010 @ 6:18 am |Reply

      • Cathy I know you wrote this comments about the loss of your husband and your mother and also lost your pet dog I am very sorry for your loss I come across this webpage I was looking for a webpage like this I lost my mom in July 2010 and then I lost my husband of 15 years in Dec 2010 it been very hard you are so right i do not think it get easier it been one hell of a year if lord Jesus was not in my life who know where I be today I hope you gotten better I just wanted to Thank-you for the comment you wrote i just wanted someone to talk too God bless I do not know if i ever date again but I do not know I am in my thirty it give me a headache just thinking about it!

        Comment by Julia — April 3, 2011 @ 4:38 am

      • Hey Julia , i just saw the comment that you wrote me back in April, don’t know why i’m just now seeing it. . Sometimes we all need someone to talk to. If you still need to talk my email is phina2000@yahoo.com. I’m sorry for your loss its so hard.

        Comment by CATHY — May 11, 2011 @ 7:08 am

    • I was married for twenty five years. I lost my husband to cancer seven months ago. I do not think i will date or marry again. Once you have the best can’t settel for less. I know i would always compare them to him. I am 48 and he was 55 years old. I lost my mom four months before i lost him and 7 months after him my dog died. one hell of a year and it still hasn’t gotten any easier. I still have not cleaned out his stuff and don’t know if i ever will. It won’t help me move on all it will do is give me closet space. I miss him so much my very soul aches for him. If it was not for my belief in my Lord Jesus i would not have made it this far. I myself am learning to fix things and figure out stuff i didn’t think i would ever be bothered with. Geuss what ? SURPRISE! But i doing it i just miss him . May God bless all.

      Comment by Cathy — March 22, 2010 @ 6:43 am |Reply

  24. Hello,

    I lost my husband almost 2 years ago. I miss the intimacy, specially at night. Everywhere I look I see happy couples and I can’t be one of them. Will I ever be happy? Does anybody recognise this?

    Comment by Fatima — March 25, 2010 @ 9:13 pm |Reply

    • Hello Fatima: I am sorry for your loss. Yes, you will be happy again. I am six years on my new journey and while it’s been hard at times, it does get better. You will begin to feel the joy in life again, no matter where you decide it takes you. I wish you the best. elaine

      Comment by ajourneywelltaken — March 25, 2010 @ 10:39 pm |Reply

    • I feel the same way, i’m so jealous. I see older couples and i think that should have been us. He has been gone for 8 months now i miss him so bad.

      Comment by Cathy — March 28, 2010 @ 5:43 am |Reply

  25. Hi Elaine,
    I think that many kind of spousal losses, not just death, can lead to the cycle you spoke of in your blog. It can happen due to a sudden change from one partner, one you cannot accept, or from a sudden loss in health that forces your mate into some type of new restriction. With any change, but especially spousal death, it forces us to reach new levels of pain so that something new can be born.

    Comment by Lauren Drinkard — July 15, 2010 @ 12:40 pm |Reply

  26. I liked your story. I made the mistake of dating to early because of LONELINESS. I am in a people business and I interact with wonderful people every day who always inquire as to how I am doing. I was married for 37 years to a wonderful woman and had a serious relationship with another widow. It took me a while to recognize that she wasn’t who I needed to marry. I have talked to a number of seniors in the same position and it seems that we each heal at different speeds and we have different emotional needs. I have “surface” dated and met women who I could like, but because of my grieving I blew it. My recommendation is take it easy on the dating scene. Give yourself time to heal and pray for guidance from the Lord.

    Comment by Bob Murray — August 23, 2010 @ 9:09 pm |Reply

  27. Jeff-
    You have expressed exactly what I am feeling.
    My beloved, who passed on October 7, 2008 was perfect- for me.

    I see myself as unbelievably blessed to have been a part of his life.

    I am lonely, but only for him and, actually, still think of myself as married. I do wear my rings as well as his and do not intend to take them off.

    Best wishes to you.

    Comment by ellen cassidy — September 27, 2010 @ 5:56 pm |Reply

  28. I feel for each and everyone of us who have lost a spouse. I lost mine suddenly and unexpectedly as she died in my arms at 12.54AM. We had a wonderful 37 year marriage. It is ironic, but we had lost so many people in the previous 3 years, her Mom, Sister, Dad, and My Dad, that we had told each other what we would do it we lost each other. I found talking about “it” and doing “it” are a lot different. The reality of the loss is crushing. I am in a business in which I deal with older people and I have their experiences to fall back on. I have people who had fantastic marriages that are married withing 6mos to 15 months and then I have people who never remarried. It is so individual and I have decided that I want to remarry. I am a young 62 with a thriving business and know that there is someone else out there who wants to SHARE their life with me. God gives each one of us different challenges and says they will never be more than we can bear. I don’t know what that means but there are tears streaming down my face as I write this. Good luck to each and everyone of you out there.

    Comment by Bob Murray — September 28, 2010 @ 12:48 pm |Reply

    • Bob: I’m sorry for your loss. I believe you are right, there is a path for each of us and as painful as it is at times, life takes shows us those different opportunities, sometimes through our loss and pain. I wish you the best. elaine

      Comment by ajourneywelltaken — September 28, 2010 @ 2:28 pm |Reply

  29. I LOST MY HUSBAND SUDDENLY ON APRIL 24TH, 2010. HE WAS 62 YEARS OLD AND IT WAS UNEXPECTED; I LITERALLY HAD THE RUG PULLED OUT FROM UNDER ME. IT IS NOW ALMOST ONE YEAR LATER & I FOOLISHLY THOUGHT WITH EACH PASSING MONTH I WOULD FEEL BETTER BUT I NOW FEEL IT’S ONLY ANOTHER MONTH GONE BY WITHOUT HIM. I HAVE GREAT SUPPORT FROM FRIENDS BUT THE LONLINESS CAN BE SO UNBEARABLE AT TIMES. I DO GO OUT SOCIALLY WITH FRIENDS BUT WHEN I COME HOME I’M ALONE.
    I’M GRATEFUL FOR THE 27 YEARS WE HAD TOGETHER & I FEEL BLESSED THAT HE WAS MY SOULMATE. I LOVED BEING LOVED & LOVING HIM & I WOULD LOVE TO MARRY AGAIN BUT I’M IN NO RUSH. NOT LONG AFTER HIS PASSING, I HAD A DREAM WHERE HE CAME TO ME, PUT HIS ARM AROUND ME AND SAID, “I’M ALWAYS WITH YOU”…..KISSED ME & WAS GONE. I BELIEVE WITH ALL MY HEART THAT HE & THE LORD WILL BRING THE RIGHT PERSON INTO MY LIFE AT THE RIGHT TIME. GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU OUT THERE WHO ARE GOING THROUGH THE LOSS OF A SPOUSE. PLEASE KEEP THE FAITH AS IT WILL BRING YOUR HOPES TO FRUITION.
    BE WELL ELAINE & TO ALL WHO READ THIS.

    Comment by toni — March 8, 2011 @ 6:46 am |Reply

  30. Thank-you Toni for a beauiful comment about your husband it brought tears to my eyes I wrote a comment about my husband we been married for 15 years I will miss him greatly he was my best friend Julia

    Comment by Julia — April 3, 2011 @ 5:12 am |Reply

  31. I was married for 43 years, and i miss my husband so much. I know my GOD is my comfort. I will always love my husband for the rest of my life.. I don’t want to be alone all of my life. I pray that one day will GOD bless me with a widower, and i hope that he will love his wife that he lost for the rest of his life. There is nothing wrong in starting a new chapter in your life. We can not bring our love one back. They would not want to come back if they gave then a chose. Would they want us never to marry again?
    Patsy

    Comment by patsy romero — April 10, 2011 @ 5:30 am |Reply

  32. I have a grief journal kept after losing my wife, and it’s called A Year and Day,published by Idaho State University.
    It is also on Kindle and I believe it will help others.

    Michael Corrigan

    Comment by Michael Corrigan — May 4, 2011 @ 8:24 pm |Reply

  33. I lost my wife and our son she was 7 months pregnant with in a car wreck one year, four months, and 5 days ago…she was 27 years old and my best friend and the love of my life. I know I’m still young and in the early part of the grieving process but I honestly don’t think I’ll date again for many reasons. Kathy was so special and our relationship was so incredible that I don’t think anyone else could fill the void she left. My love for her is still growing even though she’s gone and I miss her more everyday instead of less. I feel a lot of pressure from my loved ones to start dating because they want me to be happy again. They want me to be me again…but how can I be me when part of me is gone now? I can only keep my faith in God and look forward to the day when I see my Kathy again in Heaven.

    Comment by Scott Bennett — June 2, 2011 @ 7:00 am |Reply

  34. Scott, sorry to hear about your loss. I wish you the best. Just let your family know that you are living your life as best you can right now. No one knows what will happen in the future.

    Comment by ajourneywelltaken — June 3, 2011 @ 1:18 am |Reply

  35. I lost my wonderful husband almost a year ago, December 8, 2010. He was my second husband, and the love of my life. We were married just shy of five years. I am 53 years old, and have gone back and forth about whether or not to date. I am missing him so much and feeling very lonely. I decided to begin online dating last month, but agree with you that I am meeting men for the wrong reasons. I think I am just trying to cover the pain and the lonliness that I am feeling. It isn’t fair to me or to the men that I am meeting. I will never be able to replace my wonderful husband, but I know that I am not built to be alone either. I guess I just need more time.

    Sandie

    Comment by Sandie Eve — November 30, 2011 @ 4:44 pm |Reply

  36. ThsTwo weeks ago I lost my wife of nearly 10 years. She had a chronic illness and we knew, consciously or not what the probable outcome would be.
    In March she was in the hospital for a week. I stayed with her the whole time. I have my own problems with anxiety, so staying at the hospital, away from home for a week was a lot for me. But I held it together.
    The month after we got home was awful. I had anxiety, depression and I don’t know what all. I couldn’t work or eat or sleep. I was a mess. I finally went back to work, but lost my job shortly after going back.
    She went into the hospital and was there for s’not 2

    Comment by Patrick — December 12, 2011 @ 7:25 am |Reply

    • She was in the hospital for about two weeks before suddenly passing away. I was very emotional, very sad. The time since then has been not as hard as I thought it would be. I feel sad at times when I think about her, that she won’t get to see our daughter grow up.
      Now to the problem. I have, since her passing, reconnected with a girlfriend from college (16 years ago).

      Comment by Patrick — December 12, 2011 @ 7:42 am |Reply

      • My wife told me while in the hospital that I had to get remarried so our daughter would have a mother. I don’t want to mess up this rekindled relationship by jumping into something too soon.

        Comment by Patrick — December 12, 2011 @ 7:49 am

  37. I feel that I’ll be a minority and probably get slammed when I share my experience on this topic, but, here goes…
    I lost my husband last June, the 26th, so about 7.5 months ago. It was a sudden and unexpected heart failure, and he was away from home. He was just 47 years old. I am 28 and we have a daughter who is now almost three. We had lived together for about 7 years total. I still cry most days, but I am definitely feeling stronger every day.
    A little backstory about our marriage…I was 21 when we met and he was my 40 year old boss. He had 3 older children from previous relationships, and that turned out to be much more baggage than I could comprehend at age 21. He was a big, strong personality; used to being the boss at work; he was a chef. He had a very young spirit, and was always up for anything, but there was seldom time for much fun when we were working. Right after our daughter was born he was laid off and had great difficulty finding work for the next 2 years. The stress of this period was intense, and I picked up multiple jobs to make ends meet. Michael shut down emotionally and spent most of his days online “looking for work”. We had sex maybe twice a month, which is not close to enough for me, and it was as it had been for years, perfunctory ( I think now that this was caused by his heart problem). I was disillusioned by this point, and very unsatisified with the state of our union. We were both angry and miserable, but trying not to show it. Little Sophie was the glue that held us together, and we both had hope that we would push through the difficulties and have a great future. We were still absolutely committed to each other. Then the bottom fell out of my life.
    So, now to the point. I have been having a phone relationship with a man who I met on a family vacation in September. We met at a bar, talked for hours, went to a hotel,…
    I thought it would just be a one night stand, but it’s become so much more.
    We’ve really fallen in love. Believe me, I was not looking for it, and I’m just as shocked and scandalized by it all myself, but I’m just going with the flow of my heart. But, we live a 1000 miles apart. After talking daily for 4+ months, we are finally together, and I’m staying here with him for a month.
    My amazing family have been very loving and supportive, while still expressing their concerns, especially for my daughter.
    We’ve been here for a week, and every day my daughter seems to ask for her daddy more and more. I know that she can sense the connection between me and my new guy, even though we are trying to be discreet and keep it looking platonic. This is very hard, and I’m not quite sure what to do, but keep loving, talking to her and confirming her emotions.
    Am I wrong? Is it too soon? Probably yes, but I also would like to speak up for the people out there who are in shoes similar to my own. I have continued to work through my grief, and I cry and rage when those feelings come up, but I guess I’ve refused to let it define me. I’m young and actually more excited about the future now than I had been in years. I have freedom that was unthinkable a year ago. I’m in love with a great guy who is not a replacement for my husband, they are so different!
    And I think my husband would be so happy to see me enjoying life when I can and staying true to myself.
    Much has been said on this thread about having the self respect to work through your grief before trying to move on, but I would like to add that we should all have the self respect and self love to embrace the good that life dishes out. Keep your hearts open, people, we’ve all suffered enough.

    Comment by Candice — February 15, 2012 @ 6:51 pm |Reply

    • Hi Candice: I hope no one slams anyone here. We’re all going through life the best we can, in the way that’s right for us. Your way might not be the same as someone else’s, but we all certainly deserve the best we can create in this life. Best of luck to you and your family!

      Comment by ajourneywelltaken — February 15, 2012 @ 7:16 pm |Reply


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